I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
third nipple confirmed
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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