you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
