Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
