You don't have asthma, your pregnant
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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