I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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