Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
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Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
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Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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