In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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