Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
my liver is dry heaving
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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