No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize