We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I supernannyed him into submission
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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