I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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