his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
