he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
