I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
