all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
