There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
