Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
