worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out mid-signature
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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