I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
