you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
