The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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