he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
