Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
