Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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