Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Can I color on your dick again?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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