why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
please come you make the beer taste better
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
