Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
