for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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