I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
