If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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