Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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