i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
