you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
birth control should be required to get into college
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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