he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Randomize
