so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
