he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize