hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
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Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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