Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
