he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
