He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
