i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
