I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
