It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
