what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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