I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize