??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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