They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize
