So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
