Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
