No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
