He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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