I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i dont even know how to be here
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
