Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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