you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
My liver just had a heart attack.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize