i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
