god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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