Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
