Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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